To listen to this message please click on the link in green type below –
Everyday Spiritual Conversations (3) – Converse, don’t confront[1].
Well good morning everyone and welcome to Week 3 of Everyday Spiritual Conversations. If you’ve missed the previous 2 weeks a full script of the notes is available on our website. But very simply this is a series for equipping and encouraging us in our conversational evangelism.
What ought to motivate us in sharing with others, is the reality that God’s heart is for the lost. God so loved the world…he wants all men to be saved…recall the Pharisees and teachers of the law at Levi’s house, questioning why Jesus would eat with “sinners”, Jesus’ response was: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mark 2:17)
When we have experienced his grace and hope for ourselves, when we know God’s heart is for the lost, why would we not want to pass this on?!
Just to briefly re-cap from last week: “Enquire, don’t disagree”.
- Be ready for anything!
- Affirm the good…“Acceptance does not mean endorsement. When we confuse the two, we destroy the very space God wants to work in.” – Doug Pollock
- Ask a question about what you don’t understand.
We talked about our default position in a conversation is one of pushing back gently, not reacting but responding with great questions with wisdom.
- Exercise wisdom – in the Spirit
I trust that we are putting these skills to practice in conversations. Has anyone made drastic changes to the way you converse?
Most if not all people in our nation are spiritual. In fact, that God has set eternity in the hearts of all mankind, and, that he is willing that none should perish but that all would come to everlasting life and therefore has provided a pathway for those who choose it, suggests all people are spiritual.
But we’re in a spiritual battle, aren’t we? We’re also in a moral battle. A truth battle: these are all intertwined. We pray. We pray his kingdom come, his will be done. We pray God to equip us in this battle (He says He already has, we have His Word and we have His Spirit). We pray for the salvation of our community/ies…God says ‘you are the light, the salt, the feet that bring good news’. So yes a battle, but we are torch bearers of truth.
Therefore, the effectiveness of our witness is determined by our obedience to the truth (Jesus)…this is an integrity matter, a credibility matter. The spiritual, moral, truth battle is also present in the church. I think we do need to constantly look at ourselves and ensure we are living out the truths[2], we in spiritual conversation would be encouraging others to do.[3]
So today’s theme: Converse, don’t confront. I want to say up front this is not about compromising scriptural truth but is about being smart and spirit-led in how we converse. Therefore, how could we engage people in non-threatening, non-confrontational two-way conversations about spiritual things?
Let’s look at an account of Jesus talking with someone who should have felt threatened – and then we’ll address this question.
John 8:1-11
Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.
“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.
The context here is the temple guards had been sent by the Pharisees to arrest Jesus, because of his claims that they considered blasphemous (John 7:32). However, the guards had not arrested him, because they were awed by all that Jesus did and said (John 7:45-46).
So – the fact that Jesus was even in the temple first thing the next morning was remarkably bold. Things would have been tense, to say the least!
The immediate situation was they were trying to trap Jesus. How? The law of Moses would support the death sentence (Leviticus 20:10). However, they were under Roman occupation, and the Romans had removed the authority of the religious leaders to give the death penalty. Had Jesus said they should obey the Jewish law, Jesus would have been in trouble with the Romans (with a likely death penalty).
But – does that mean Jesus should not agree with applying the Law?
…if he was lax with the law – he would be condemned by the Jews
…if he applied the law – he would be condemned by the Romans
…it was a catch 22 situation (a trap)!
John 8 (continued) They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
“No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
Let’s consider how Jesus responded:
Firstly, we don’t have to answer every question asked of us.
Jesus’ first response (v6) was to stoop down and write in the sand without saying anything. Maybe he was writing things of relevance. Maybe he was taking time to think and seek wisdom – because he knew the danger of speaking too quickly on this matter.
Secondly – Jesus’ response was often returning the onus of proof to the enquirer or in this case the accusers. Here he said: “If any of you is without sin, let them be the first to throw the first stone.”
Thirdly, he wrote in the sand again.
We cannot know what he wrote – but many have suggested that he wrote down different sins and that the religious leaders left one-by-one as they recognized their own sins, they were guilty of. If this is the case, we again see the gifts of the Spirit at work in Jesus’ ministry to people – and are reminded that we have been given the gift of that same Spirit!
Pause there for a moment: did Jesus ever disagree with the statement that this woman deserved death for her sin? (No).
However, there are a few things we can note here:
- Jesus had a right to still stand there when all others left because he was sinless
- The wider teachings of Jesus, and of the New Testament, affirm the law
- There was a wider issue of justice here – which also explains Jesus approach. Was it only those who were accusing Jesus that were guilty of sin… where was the man who she was caught in adultery with? However, this woman wasn’t brought to Jesus because of a quest for justice/righteousness and certainly not out of a concern for her eternity. She was brought to Jesus to set a trap!
- But significantly, Jesus said he didn’t condemn her and then gave her a second chance with the instruction “go and sin no more”. Why? Because grace was about to become readily available for the repentant, through faith in Himself! Jesus was on his way to the cross of Calvary, where he would die for the sins of that woman, and the world!
I’d like us to think about the woman in the story for a moment. Do you think she felt threatened by Jesus? Initially maybe – but not as she saw how he spoke, how he loved her, irrespective of her actions.
He did consider her sin worthy of death, because of the law, right? Yet, he didn’t compromise his own truths, or dismiss the consequences of sin, right? Jesus was God, in the flesh, the “exact representation his being”[4], right?
But he also believed in the possibility of her salvation and the genuineness of her response. Extending grace to her.
…do we see ourselves a little bit like the Pharisees sometimes? Highlighting others’ sin, but blinded to our own. Elevating others’ sin as if they’re worse than ours? Let’s constantly remember Jesus’ grace shown to us…
Let’s move toward an application….
One of the most remarkable characteristics of Christ was the fact that humble sinners didn’t feel threatened by him. He was invited by them to meals and ate with them without being at all threatening.
In contrast, Jesus was threatening to proud sinners for example – the Pharisees and teachers of the law. He was invited by them to meals also. But at these meals, he was scrutinised, and they were looking for ways to criticize, undermine or accuse him and trap him.
Our topic today is ‘converse – don’t confront’ – and the question is, what is the key to being non-threatening when discussing topics in which people will have differing views? This is an especially important skill for our witnessing, because we want to be able to engage in open conversations, without awkwardness, or have them feeling ‘preached at’ or ‘targeted’.
The Bible says: ‘Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks’ (Luke 6:45). In other words – the key to creating the feel of conversation – rather than of a ‘confrontation’ – is in the motive of our hearts, which then expresses itself in the tone of our word!
Most of us have probably had the experience of a salesperson coming up to us in a shop, on the street, to our door in the evening? How long did it take to recognise he/she was a salesperson before they’ve even said anything? You’re able to ‘detect’ pretty quickly they have an agenda. For some of us that makes us really uncomfortable, it’s awkward and often inconvenient…etc.
If the agenda someone has is to help us or encourage us and we see that is genuine – we can feel it – and we warm to that person.
However, if the agenda is to challenge us, change us, is forceful, doesn’t hear us – we can feel that too, we put walls up and the conversation will likely be more uncomfortable to us as a result.
And this is the key dynamic that is taking place in our spiritual conversations with not-yet-Christian people. If our “agenda” is one of selfless interest – to listen, to hear their story, to find good things to encourage, etc… – they will be able to tell.
BUT, if our agenda is to ‘preach at them’, to ‘tell’ them our truth and to change/convert them, conversations are awkward from the start. It’s all about how we approach the conversation! “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”
The key to creating the feel of conversation — rather than of a ‘confrontation’ — is in the motive of our hearts, which then expresses itself in the tone of our words!
Because we do want people to consider and accept the Christian faith right, that is one of our motives!
The motive enables a feeling of conversation vs confrontation. We come to conversations with selfless interest, with a motive to encourage and care. If this is genuinely our motive, even in situations where there is disagreement, people should have no reason to feel threatened.
You may be surprised how much it can turn these tense conversations into relaxed ones, and we will find that conversations about spiritual things are possible with almost anyone!
Some important additional attitudes to note:
- We respect their free will – our motive is not to coerce them or even convert them – because only they can decide for (or against) Christ anyway. Even though we absolutely can be a part of that process.
- If we are ever to share something that hasn’t come about within the natural flow of the conversation – we ask permission first, and then share with a careful tone, and invite a conversation at the conclusion. This kind of approach is respectful and can be received. It’s all about the motives and manner!
- We respect that they might already be on a spiritual journey and have experiences and thoughts – so our motive is to listen, more than we speak, and then to wisely affirm what is good while asking questions about what we ‘don’t understand’ (as in last week’s message).
In other words – we come with a view to finding the good through asking questions – to build upon it through encouraging, and sharing hope (CONVERSATION) rather than to find the bad – so we might condemn it and change it by telling them what we believe to be true (CONFRONTATION)
And – just like that, tension can be dispelled from conversations that might otherwise have been awkward – conversations are able to continue – and potentially people’s lives can become changed as a result!
I’d like to give you one more tip before I conclude and has to do with the words we use: how we convey scriptural truth, without compromising the truth. How we say something’s and the words we use, sometimes, can infer arrogance. Remember our end goal is to convey the truth of the person of Christ in language that makes sense.
If we come across too strong, arrogantly, rudely, without any sense of care for the person it will close the conversation. So, the way we say what we say is important! E.g. “Jesus is the only way to the Father”
- Worded this way, this statement is confrontational by nature – because it is a truth claim
- And we also believe it to be true, right?
- But is saying this, this bluntly always wise?
- The conversation might end there and then.
Some people might think this is watering down the truth and is a compromise. I would say, no. It’s using wisdom in what we say, when and how we say it.
Here is a conversational way of saying the same thing: “To me, Jesus’ claim that he created a unique path back to God just makes sense. I know of no alternative that compares. I’ve heard lots of things about Jesus that have shown how unique he is in history. That’s my take anyway – what do you think?”
- This statement claims the same but
- …is a personal statement (it comes across more humbly than a declaration of a truth does)
- And it invites a conversation and has a better chance of enticing a conversation!
Conclusion:
Would you like to be able to engage people in spiritual conversations without awkwardness? Any conversation we engage in is primarily determined by our prayerful readiness, being in the Spirit and the motive we enter it with!
If our agenda is to understand their views and to encourage them more than to tell them our views and convert them, they will have very little reason to feel awkward and we may find ourselves becoming even more effective as a witness!
However, it remains that we need to be intentional about all this if we’re to actually see people taking steps toward Jesus!
Here are 3 simple questions I want to conclude with today that could be used to turn or open a conversation.
- I’m wondering if you consider yourself a spiritual person?
The point?
- To establish common ground
- To find a shared starting point for a spiritual conversation
- Do you believe there’s a God?
- This would clarify how far common ground goes (many now believe in a ‘higher power’ or ‘force’).
- If a friend, family member or complete stranger asks you what a Christian is, what would you say? This would reveal something of their view on Christianity, and also their understanding of it.
Who could you ask a question of this week – with no initial agenda other than to hear and understand?
Next week I’ll be sharing with you the basics of the gospel message. “A message, not a massage.”
[1] Adapted from resources provided by Hope Project
[2] Abiding in the truth…
[3] For the sake of unity and the effect of our witness need to be on the same page. Lest we be divided…
[4] Hebrews 1:3