When we open Ephesians 5:21–33, many of us brace ourselves. We expect a “marriage talk”—maybe inspiring, maybe painful, maybe mixed. But this passage is not merely a set of rules for husbands and wives; it is a window into the very heart of Christ.

And it is not just for married people.

At the center of this text is a startling claim:  

“This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.” (Ephesians 5:32)

Marriage, Paul says, is meant to be a living picture of the gospel. But the gospel itself—Christ’s love for His people—is for everyone:

– The couple married for 40 years, still learning how to communicate  

– The young single wondering if they’ll ever find a spouse  

– The widow who feels as though half of themselves is missing  

– The person whose marriage story is one of betrayal, harm, or deep disappointment  

Whatever your story, Ephesians 5 has something to say to you.

Christ at the Center of Every Relationship

Before Paul addresses husbands and wives, he writes:  

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

Submission here is not about power plays or hierarchy. It is simply this: “Because Jesus is Lord, I will put your good ahead of my comfort.” It is a posture of humility, modeled by Christ Himself, who wrapped a towel around His waist and washed His disciples’ feet.

This verse is addressed to all believers, not just the married ones. It shapes:

– How singles navigate friendships and dating  

– How widows build new rhythms of community  

– How divorced Christians heal and, perhaps, cautiously risk trust again  

– How married couples respond to conflict and disappointment  

Every relationship in the Christian life—whether romantic, familial, or spiritual—is called to be an act of worship: “out of reverence for Christ.”

When Marriage Reflects Christ… and When It Doesn’t

In God’s design, marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman, a promise made before God and witnesses, a vow to love, serve, and remain faithful “for better or worse.”

In Ephesians 5, Paul paints a beautiful picture:

– Husbands loving their wives “just as Christ loved the church” (v.25)  

– Wives offering willing, respectful trust “as the church submits to Christ” (v.24)  

– Both giving themselves to one another in a union of “one flesh” (v.31)

When lived out in the power of the Spirit, this kind of marriage is powerful. It preaches the gospel without words. It shows the world that Jesus is faithful, patient, and self‑giving.

But many know a different story.

Some have endured marriages marked by harshness, neglect, or even physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse. Tragically, verses like Ephesians 5:22 (“wives, submit to your husbands”) have at times been misused to keep people silent and trapped.

Hear this clearly:  

– Biblical submission is never forced.  

– It is never a license for sin.  

– It never requires enduring harm in order to “keep the peace.”

Acts 5:29 draws a firm line: “We must obey God rather than any human authority.” Obedience to Christ always comes before any spouse’s demands.

If Scripture has been used to excuse cruelty toward you, that was an abuse of Scripture, not a faithful application of it. God sees. God grieves. And God invites you toward safety, truth, and healing.

Sacrificial Love and Willing Respect

Ephesians 5 actually places immense weight on husbands:

– “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” (v.25)  

– “Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.” (v.28)  

– “Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.” (Colossians 3:19)  

Headship, in Scripture, is not a crown of entitlement. It is a cross of responsibility. It means:

– Serving, not bossing  

– Protecting, not controlling  

– Nourishing, not neglecting  

Similarly, Scripture calls wives to a posture of respectful trust:

– “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)  

– “…the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)  

– A woman of “unfading beauty” whose hope is in God (1 Peter 3:3–5)  

This is not a call to become small, silent, or spiritually dependent. It is a call to honor from a place of strength and deep confidence in God.

And crucially, both sacrificial love and willing respect are expressions of discipleship to Jesus. They flow first from our relationship with Him.

But What If I’m Not Married?

If you are single, widowed, divorced, or separated, you are not reading “someone else’s mail” when you open Ephesians 5.

You are part of the bride of Christ.

In fact, human marriage is temporary. Jesus taught that in the resurrection, people “will neither marry nor be given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30). Earthly marriage is a signpost; the reality is Christ and His church. That means:

– A single believer, fully devoted to Jesus, is not “missing the best” of Christian life.  

– A widow whose spouse has died is not half a person spiritually.  

– A divorced believer, even with a heartbreaking story, is not outside the reach of God’s grace or purposes.  

Christ’s covenant commitment to you is not fragile. He will never betray you, abandon you, or harm you. His love is the anchor through every season.

Strong Marriages, Strong Church… and Healed Hearts Too

We should absolutely pray and work for strong, Christ‑centered marriages. They do strengthen the church. Children flourish. Communities see the gospel in action. Couples grow in holiness together.

But a truly strong church is not just built on strong marriages. It is built on:

– Singles who are honored, not sidelined  

– Widows and widowers who are comforted and included, not forgotten  

– Survivors of harmful relationships who are believed, protected, and supported  

– Households—of every shape—seeking to put Christ at the center  

In other words, the strength of a church is measured not by how many perfect families it can display, but by how faithfully it bears one another’s burdens, honors each calling, and holds out the hope of Christ to the broken.

A Prayer for All of Us

Wherever you find yourself today—happily married, struggling in marriage, single and content, single and longing, widowed, or carrying the wounds of a broken relationship—bring your story to Jesus.

He is not embarrassed by it. He is not surprised by it. He’s the One who heals, restores, and leads us forward.

You might pray something like this:

“Lord Jesus, be the center of my life and relationships.  

Where there is sin, lead me to repentance.  

Where there is pain, bring your healing.  

Where there is loneliness, draw me into your love and your people.  

Teach me to love others—whether spouse, friend, or church family—out of reverence for you.  

Make my life, in whatever season I’m in, a living picture of your faithful love.  

Amen.”

Whether you ever marry, remarry, or remain single, the deepest truth over your life is this: you are loved with a covenant love that will never let you go. That is the great mystery Ephesians 5 points to. That is the hope we all cling to.